Crisis on Infinite Bullets

Part 3: The Return of Dr. Norge.... and the Battle Begins!

      Dr. Norge walks into his tent. He has just sent his minions, the Society of Discord, to finish off the Bulleteer Society. He sits at his desk, a kitten hops into his lap. A figure stands in the shadows, he addresses the not so good doctor.

      “Why are we doing this?”

      Dr. Norge pets the kitten in his hands. “Two reasons. One is Revenge, the other,” Norge snaps the kitten's neck, “pure evil!”

      The figure steps out of the shadows, it is a man dressed in the familiar garb of the Sensei of the What-Not! It is Dark Jim, What-Not Lord of New-Earth 2! He smiles, “Outstanding!”

      In a space above and beyond this world and universe, two individuals sit above it all. They are Ian Levenstein aka ComicRider and John Mayo, holder of ALL COMICS KNOWLEDGE!!!! Together they are the Men of Timing! They watch over everything.

      “This is bad,” Mayo looks at Earth 52, Didio is hanging in orbit, unconscious, “The dark force that inhabited the Monitor seems to have let loose it's grip.” Ian walks over, “Yeah, and it's inhabited the Sean and Jim of Earth Prime!” John looks over at Ian, “Dude tell me you're going to edit that out of the show right? That was such a cornball line.” “Oh yeah, like you don't make mistakes Mayo, you're not immune to this either!” An alarm goes off! The Monitor has awoken and he has cracked the barrier to the Longbox!

      “Much has come to pass...” The Monitor is still disoriented, “I hope the editors have things in control...” The scene at the DC Comics office is just one of sheer chaos. Writers and editors are celebrating. Books have halted production... nightmare world!


      The Bulleteers struggle to dig themselves out. Half of the Hall of Bullets is in ruins. In the kitchen, the roof has totally collapsed. Everything is covered in rubble. Supermom lies dead at what once was the entrance. In the middle of the room, the rubble starts to shake. BOOM! Debris flies all over. Sean and Jim are surrounded by an aura emanating from the What-Not ring! Sean holds his mace in hand.. he does not look happy. “Someone is going to pay,” Sean looks angrily at the rubble. A figure slowly rises behind them, “SPOTLIGHT AND WHAT-NOT!” Jim points his ring at the figure. It's Kendra, Supermom lives! “Whoa there boys, it's just m-AGH!!” Kendra is crushed suddenly by the wall behind her!! It's PAYBACK, Squach and Doug arrive!

      “We got here as soon as we co-WHOA!” Payback notices the twitching hand of Supermom, “um sorry Kendra.” “Um. Yeah Payback, she's dead,” Squach moves the debris and surrounds Supermom with a cocoon of green light. While Doug looks at me... WHAT? She died. Yes I know it's a little mean. Dude, she asked me to give her a death, so I gave her two??? GEEZ, there's no pleasing you people! Oh yeah... watch out for that Gerbil, it's after Cheeks! As Doug chases the Gerbil (and leaves me to my work), the others search for survivors.

      The Hall of Bullets' Atrium is a mess. The plants are overturned, the glass is shattered. The Champion of El is struggling in the grip of the perverse power of the Bizarre Guy! Matthew manages to land a solid punch on the jaw of Bizarre Guy. The Bizarre Guy staggers as Matthew flies at him sending him through the glass and out the window. The Champion of El swings Bizarre Guy into a wall and hammers him again. “WHO SENT YOU??” A lead room nearby saps Bizarre Guy, “Me know you am weak, me not bring back up.” WHAM! A figure slams into Matt from behind. It's Dark Jim, “Kryptonite and What-Not!” The Dark What-Not aura surrounds Dark Jim and produces a green rock. Matthew Guy is weakening! Dark Jim and Bizarre Guy fly off, and leave the Champion of El to his slow agonizing death... until Matthew Guy says “KAL-EL”!

      Matthew is mad. He throws the Kryptonite into the lead shack. He says the name of Superman again, and rips a shard off of the lead shack. He goes after Bizarre Guy!

      In the Hyper Universal Meditational Zen Room, The Madness known as Raph is struggling on the floor. He has a killer headache. The figure holding the lead pipe from last issue stands over him, obviously just because I'm delayed a few weeks doesn't mean time changes... stop talking to me DOUG! Anyway, the villain stands above Raph, “you think you're unbeatable? You're pathetic.” He paces around our fallen hero, “You didn't even get to pick a DC Hero's powers! You let Matthew Guy beat you to the Crest of El??” He kicks Raph in the stomach, “What freakin' powers do you have??” He goes to stomp on Raph's head, when Raph catches his foot. Raph flips the guy into the air, the mystery man lands on his feet, but sees that Raph has gotten up, “Just because I don't have the name, doesn't mean I don't have the gifts.” Raph pulls out a Batarang, “I'm Batman.”

      The Batarang zips through the air. The mysterious villain catches it, but also a kick to the jaw from The Madness. The fallen villain steps into the light, and reveals himself to be... RAPH! The Anti-Madness! A group of henchman come in. “Where you are a loner, I have a legion!” The henchmen come running in... they surround Raph in a circle. BAM! POW! ZIFF! The henchmen go down... as they resort to punching and stomping Raph. When they break away from the circle, they find nothing. The lights go completely dark... the stalking has begun...

      In case of natural disaster, the Comic Hole is designed to withstand anything short of the apocalypse. We find that the comics are still on their shelves, in mint condition, inside mylar bags. Our heroes, Knightwing BK and Steve Cosmic are in the grips of the maddened Vidara. Knightwing tries shooting tranq darts into Vidara's neck, to no avail. They simply have no effect. Steve is quickly running out of guitars to smash over Vidara's head. They are starting to black out, when a HUGE needle is plunged into Vidara's neck! Weitall has appeared! Before he can squeeze the plunger, he gets knocked back! He lands near the still unconscious Gravity Boy and Blond Vida. Both Knightwing and Steve push the plunger down. The effects of the serum are instant. Vida slumps over as Brent and Steve look at their hands joined over the plunger... they quickly remove their hands and separate themselves, allowing Vida to fall flat on her face, “OW! What the hell?!?”

      The heroes help Vida up to her feet. Weitall has finished tying Gravity Steve and Blond Vida up. He pulls out his trusty magnifying lens, which is possessed by Joseph Bell, the father of modern forensics. Bell makes the observation that the vibration of the two villains is different from their surroundings, suggesting that they are from another dimension. Knightwing wonders how the father of modern forensics can decipher this, to which he replies, “My dear boy, I am simply a plot device to continue this story...” Suddenly, a bunch of villains come flying through the door. In the doorway is The Madness.

      “I'm in contact with Sean, he wanted me to check on you guys.” The Madness steps over to look at the evil dopplegangers “dimensional rift?” The others are stunned at his accurate assessment, Vida voices what everyone's thinking, “How did you know?” A voice from behind answers, “Because he's one of them!” It's The Madness?!? The heroes back off as the two versions of Raph face each other. They're ready to shoot the impostor. The Raph in the doorway steps in, “I'm actually ashamed that you're a version of me. You didn't do your homework.” The other Raph looks puzzled, “What do you mean?”

      “SHAMELESS PROMOTION POWERS ACTIVATE!” The true Madness has the powers to Shamelessly Promote anything! “THAAAAT'S RIGHT FOLKS! RAGING BULLETS! JOIN HOSTS SEAN WHELAN AND JIM SEGULIN AS THEY DISCUSS THE IN'S AND OUT'S OF THE DCU! THEY TALK DCU, VERTIGO, WILDSTORM! THEY EVEN HIT UP THE MOVIES AND TV SHOWS! RAGING BULLETS! DOWNLOAD THE GOODNESS!” The Anti-Madness' ears bleed as Vida knocks him out with a boxing glove arrow. The others turn to look at her, and she simply responds, “Told ya it was useful”, followed by sticking out her tongue.

      Before the others can tell the Madness what's going on, he interrupts, “I know the sit-rep. I've been in techno-telepathic contact with Sean and Jim. We're under attack by enemies from another dimension. The only person who could organize such a force would be Dr. Norge. We need to regroup with the others.” The others give Raph a look, “WHAT??”, he exclaims. “SHOW OFF!”, their response takes him aback. They exit the comic hole, unconscious villains in tow.

      The one room that is still intact is the Main Hall. The dozen or so remaining heroes gather there. HawkSean, Sensei Jim, Payback, Squach Lantern, Ambush Doug, Madness, Vida, Cosmic Steve, Knightwing and Weitall. Suddenly a large boom thunders through and the ceiling erupts. In front of the heroes is an unconscious Bizarre Guy with a lead shard in his abodomen. The Champion of El floats in, pulls out the shard and drops it next to Bizarre Guy. “I'm mad,” Matthew's eyes light up. Sean pounds his mace, “Then let's get some--” “PAYBAAACK!!!.” Everyone looks at Payback, “Sorry... hey it's MY superhero name!” They walk out the front to see hundreds of henchmen and a few dopplegangers waiting for them.

      The heroes charge at the villains, the villains charge at the heroes. It is time... for the BATTLE!