By Aaron Cooper

When I decided to make the giant leap from California to Tennessee and start life anew, I decided to drive rather then fly. I was born and raised in California and been all up and down over it, but hardly anyplace else. So I was looking forward to seeing parts of the United States I have never been before. Of course, I was hoping to find some great deals in as many comic shops as humanly possible along the way. So armed with a SUV, a deal-finding instinct and my sarcastic wit, I set off for the great unknown!

First of all, I realized that there’s a whole lot of nothing out there. There are parts of Arizona, New Mexico, Texas, Oklahoma and Arkansas in which I weep for those of you out in these little tiny nothing places. How do you get your comics? Thank the deity of your choice for internet shopping and mail order! I did think the Meteor Crater near Winslow, AZ was pretty nifty though even if it contained no alien remnants. I missed Area 51.

Second and here’s the important part, within my travels I have finally determined the various degrees of comic shops that exist throughout the U.S., and dare I hope…the world! So I have put together what I feel are the stereotypes, a ‘survival guide’ if you will for just about any comic shop in existence. See where your local place falls, and if you’ve ever seen any of the other ‘species’! As always, my disclaimer is that your mileage may vary and that there are several mutations of these species. Feedback would be awesome! I would love to hear other survivalist stories!

1. The Museum – The museum style of comic shop is very sterile, very cold, sometimes very large and full of fancy objects. Most of the items are very expensive and live in glass cases. The walls are lined with Golden and Silver Age comics hermetically sealed within CGC plastic grading cases and you need a long ladder to reach them if you are deemed worthy. Lesser back issues dwell in reachable boxes, but with nothing less then $4.00, as they hope to steer you toward the graphic novels. There are no quarter bins. Quarter comics are for the poor and unwanted and should be burned before that rabble is seen in this shop. There are always three to four sales people wanting desperately to help you make a purchase, though they more then likely will not be the same three or four people next time you visit. If you actually know what you’re talking about, or know what you want, you are feared and hated. There are no deals to be found here. Move along. The museum is a rare species nowadays, though I have still seen a few floating around the major metropolitan areas of California and Arizona.

2. The Mall – The mall shop is a relatively volatile species and can be found at, you guessed it, your standard Mall. It’s a lot like a museum, only with less and not as fancy items, though many just as expensive. Space is a commodity at the mall, but it cannot look overcrowded so back issues are non-existent. Lots of games, toys and graphic novels to be found. Stocked with the newbie and/or a relative of a collector in mind. Employees tend to be of a general retail background, but you may be lucky to find a passionate guide to lead you in a good direction. The mall shop has a low life expectancy rate. Sales vs. lease can lead to an early demise, and Borders, Barnes & Noble, and Waldenbooks are its natural enemies. There are very few deals or clearance items to be seen. They are not deliberately being selfish; the mall shop just can’t afford it. I just ran across a mall casualty in Memphis, though it has been reported that mall shops still survive in California and Minnesota, possibly other locations as well.

3. The Store/The Shop – The best all-around scenario for all parties. Can be any size and shape but tends to be stocked similarly in terms of overall material. Usually has the greatest amount of new and back issues, graphic novels, even treading into underground and independent press books though it may not necessarily have a lot of a particular item. Usually the easiest place to ask questions of the employees and/or the owner. You will see the same people when you return. Will have the best sale items, even on former high dollar swag. May not have that exact ‘Holy Grail’ item, but the Store usually has no problem pointing you in the direction of a Museum that contains it.

4. The Dungeon – The scariest of the species. Location will be very, very dark. The carpet will not have been vacuumed in almost a decade. There will be exactly one person behind the counter. It may even be the owner, but they will always be reading a comic and are not to be disturbed. If they are disturbed you will be glared at. Know what you are looking for and prepare for the excavation as the Dungeon will have boxes upon boxes of items in yellowed bags and hardly any rhyme or reason, but there are deals to be had. Pricing has not been updated in the same decade the carpet has not been cleaned. In fact, you may have trouble finding newer items but for the most mainstream of titles. I would not recommend sending your mother or your significant other to the Dungeon. They will make you stop collecting. The brave souls willing to take risk may find items thought lost to the ravages of time. Once, while in a Dungeon, I happened upon a Batman: The Killing Joke first printing for cover price, a Batman: Son of the Demon hardcover for half off original cover price, and a color First Comics Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles collection for $3.00! I beat my chest and howled over my spoils. Good luck, brave soldiers.

5. The Poser – The worst of the species. You know this one. The Poser will have Marvel and DC posters in his window display and a ‘comics’ listing in the phone book, but he’s really a sports card shop trying to lure you in. If the trap is sprung, you will only see a smattering of comic items you already own and when you ask about anything else, you will be offered a case of some card item you have no interest in. Regardless of how many times you say you don’t collect cards but you do collect comics, the ‘employee’ (usually the owner) will stare blankly for a second before getting back the fake smile and starting all over again with the card offers. Run away as fast and as far as possible, never to return. Warn all your collector friends.

There you have it! A rather long-winded attempt at helping you discover what lies out there in the wastelands of the U.S. This doesn’t even cover areas like New York and other major places, so let me know what else lies out there! Good hunting and good reading!