Superman Returns, the movie review.

By Sentinel_Of_The_Spaceways on the forums.

The views expressed here do not reflect those of the Raging Bullets staff in any way.

Before I begin this review I just want to point out that I love DC comics. I am a diehard fan and have read their comics for six years (I’m only sixteen give me a break will you). Being so young, I never had an attachment to any previous superman movie and as such I walked into watching Superman Returns expecting to be blown away in a Batman Begins like revamp of the icon of Superman. I was gravely disappointed. I didn’t see it in the theaters because I was moving cross-country during that time and was unable to catch a show. With the DVD release I thought it would be the perfect time to see my hero on our 46” plasma screen, but it was horrible. I am writing this review with a fresh pair of eyes to warn off younger viewers. I disliked just about everything in this movie. Let me go into a little more detail.

Let me start with Superman himself, Brandon Routh. The fact that they used an unknown is a decision I applaud DC for, I just wished they used an unknown who was in the least bit intimidating. Superman looked like the freshman geek who gets stuffed into lockers by every jock in the school, and I am talking about superman, not even the even more laughable Clark Kent, who was a dork in every sense of the world. Clark in the comics acted clumsy and awkward, but not like an idiot as they portrayed him here. Superman himself is even worse. In the skintight outfit that they shoved this 150 lb. weakling in showed of even more his woeful shortcomings in the muscles department, I mean give him some pads or something, please. The flying sequences were decent, and the plane sequence as well, and the bullet bouncing from the eye was a neat special effects scene but the fact that it was Routh in the suit robbed me of even this small enjoyment.

Next Lois, the son and Lex, with an idiot thrown in for good measure. Lois Lane as Kate Bosworth is a horrible idea. She looks nothing like her and is portrayed poorly as well. Since when did Lois smoke? This blatant disregard for any continuity is what contributed to this movies failure. Lois is portrayed as a brilliant reporter yet she is stupid enough to take her son with her to investigate Lex Luthor, Lex Luthor! Is she brain dead. If this is the best the director could do than spare us further anguish and don’t even bother with another movie. Now Lex Luthor, Luthor’s big plot is awful. Luthor is a genius who seeks to save mankind from the menace of the alien superman, here he is portrayed as a brain dead moron who wants to make more land to sell, what the heck, isn’t Luthor a billionaire? What does he need more money for? The second problem is that Luthor brings around the brain dead idiot girl Kitty. Kitty’s entire purpose in the film was to clue the audience in on Luthor’s plot. The scenes of ranting and raving by Lex was the token mad genius rant, I wonder if Warner Brothers had to pay money to steal the Bond villains trademark? Then Kitty, who has no problem with him destroying a ton of people but suddenly shows some intelligence by throwing the crystals out the chopper, was anyone else screaming at the screen that it was just a cop out? Finally the kid. This was stupid, Clark being raised up morally in a Kansas family, that at lest from the comics appears to have some kind of Judeo-Christian values, do you really think that he would sleep with Lois before they were married and why didn’t Lois know it was her kid? I really think that would have been a rather memorable event.

My last really big problem with this movie is the ending. Superman gets stabbed with kryptonite, O.K. I buy it, he then gets rescued by Lois and pulled into the plane and gets the shard removed. Alright. Then he dives back under water and lifts an ENTIRE KRYPTONITE ISLAND on his back and throws it into space? Are you kidding me???? This was horrible. Superman is affected by the radiation that kryptonite gives off correct? Well radiation emanates in all directions from the radioactive substance, so how with his immense weakness to said radiation can he lift an entire islands worth? He should have been in a coma in the plane and be suffering from seizures. There is no way in H-e-double hockey sticks this wuss lifts an island into space. B.S. All in all this movie was horrible, it was torture to watch and am throwing the DVD out the window hoping never to see it again. If they make another superman movie I want an alien invasion from Apokolips or something. I want to see superman hitting tons big ugly monsters multiple times, not some weak love triangle with ten billion references to movies that came out twenty + years ago. This movie might have been good in the 80’s but today it is so bad it is laughable.